Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
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I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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