does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
