we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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