It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
