I want you more than these girls want KFC
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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