i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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