I looked at my own cervix.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
