Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The air taste purple.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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