i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
