Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
