I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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