What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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