It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
