i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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