i think i scared a bird with my dick
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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