why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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