My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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