Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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