i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
