No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
