Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
no you cant smoke seaweed
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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