I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
