I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
