No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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