My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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