I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You're a waste of cheezeits
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
