oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
