Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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