Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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