my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
