She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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