We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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