Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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