he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
