Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
