her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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