Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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