I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize