i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
