he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
