I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
