Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
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Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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