it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
