At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize