: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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