You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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