I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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