he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
