I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
