The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
