I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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