Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
