Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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