You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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