I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize