If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You pole danced in your parka.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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