I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
