jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
