So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
