I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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