I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
