We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
