there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
