is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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