He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
