How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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