Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
