he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
