my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
