sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
