she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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