Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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