absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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