pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
