I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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