The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
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All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
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I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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