You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
