I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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