it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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