So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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