therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
