we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
