dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
