Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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