Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
