went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
