Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
