even my farts smell like vagina
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
