i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You dont lie about slip and slides
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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