last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
