Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
