So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
